My Car’s New Year’s Resolutions: 12 Ways to Keep Rolling Smoothly
Kick off the new year with a hilarious look at my car’s ambitious resolutions for a smoother, cleaner, and sassier ride.
As the clock struck midnight, bringing in a brand-new year filled with promise, hope, and possibly less junk food, I overheard my car muttering under its hood. That’s right—my trusty (and often sarcastic) car decided to set some ambitious New Year’s resolutions.
Cars have feelings, too, don’t they? And mine fed up with oil changes three months late and the perpetual state of my trunk, has decided to take control of its destiny.
So, grab a cup of coffee (or motor oil, if you’re my car) and enjoy this humorous breakdown of my car’s New Year’s resolutions—an unexpected list that’s ridiculous and relatable.
Table of Contents
- My car’s New Year’s goals
- 1. No more running on fumes
- 2. Fewer fast food wrappers
- 3. Commit to fewer dashboard warnings
- 4. Demand better parking spots
- 5. Improve the mileage… with my help
- 6. Regular spa days
- 7. No more trunk Tetris
- 8. Upgrade the tunes
- 9. Fewer pothole encounters
- 10. Shine brighter than ever
- 11. Stop ignoring maintenance alerts
- 12. Enjoy more scenic routes
- My car’s New Year’s resolutions: A work in progress
- Frequently asked questions
- Final thoughts
My Car’s New Year’s Goals: A Fresh Start on the Road
As the new year rolls in, people are not the only ones setting goals—my car has decided to get in on the action, too!
From fewer dashboard warnings to a trunk that doesn’t double as a storage unit, my vehicle has outlined 12 ambitious resolutions to ensure smoother rides, fewer grumbles, and much less judgment from under the hood.
Resolution 1: No More Running on Fumes
My car has decided this year that it won’t tolerate me playing the “how far can I go on an empty gas tank” game anymore. It claims it’s tired of gasping for fuel while I casually wait for the needle to dip below the last red line. To quote my car, “I am NOT a daredevil—I’m a sedan!”
Resolution 2: Fewer Fast Food Wrappers in the Cupholders
My car feels like it’s been moonlighting as a mobile dumpster, marinating in the aroma of old fries and ketchup spills. It’s put its metaphorical foot down (or maybe its tires) and vowed to stay clear of being an honorary member of the fast-food hall of shame.
No more fries tucked under the seat or random ketchup packets rattling in the door—and it’s especially determined to get the fast food smell out once and for all. A fresh start (and fresher air) is all it’s asking for this year!
Resolution 3: Commit to Fewer Dashboard Warnings
The “check engine” light dreams of retiring in peace. My car has decided to do its part to keep that pesky orange light off… if I do my part and, you know, actually get the repairs done on time.
Resolution 4: Demand Better Parking Spots
My car is over getting left out in the rain at the far end of the parking lot. It’s lobbying for VIP treatment this year, complete with closer parking spaces and possibly a canopy for extra shade. It added, “Just because I have wheels doesn’t mean I enjoy cardio.”
Resolution 5: Improve the Mileage… with My Help
In an attempt to improve its fuel efficiency, my car has requested that I ease up on the lead foot and actually look at the speed limit signs. It’s tired of my highway “let’s test the engine’s limits” experiments. Fair point, car.
Resolution 6: Regular Spa Days (Car Washes)
Gone are the days of my car patiently enduring months of grime and bird-related “artwork.” This year, it’s demanding more frequent car washes, complete with wax treatments. It’s been dropping subtle hints, like writing “WASH ME” on its own windows.
Resolution 7: No More Trunk Tetris
I have a confession: my car’s trunk is a chaotic mix of gym bags, rogue water bottles, and an air compressor I forgot I owned. My vehicle has vowed to embrace minimalism this year, meaning I’ll finally have to clean it out. Pray for me.
Resolution 8: Upgrade the Tunes
My car has expressed its dissatisfaction with my 2010 playlist. It wants an upgrade to streaming services or at least something that doesn’t involve me skipping tracks every two seconds. My car said, and I quote, “Stop playing the same three Taylor Swift songs—I can’t even sing along.”
Resolution 9: Fewer Pothole Encounters
Tired of the endless rollercoaster of bumps, jolts, and potholes that make it feel like a stunt double in an action movie, my car has one humble plea: drive carefully and avoid craters! It added, “I’m a car, not a pogo stick.”
Resolution 10: Shine Brighter Than Ever
My headlights are staging a rebellion against dullness. They’ve resolved to shine brighter, but only if I promise to clean them more than once a year. As my car pointed out, “I can’t guide you home if I’m wearing sunglasses at night.”
Resolution 11: Stop Ignoring Maintenance Alerts
Every year, I promise myself I’ll take better care of my car—and every year, I find excuses. Well, this time, my car has made the resolution for me: no more skipping oil changes, ignoring tire rotations, or pretending the squeaky brakes are “just a phase.”
Resolution 12: Enjoy More Scenic Routes
Lastly, my car has decided it’s bored with the same daily commute. It’s requesting more road trips, scenic detours, and an occasional jaunt down a winding country road. “Let’s live a little!” it said.
My Car’s New Year’s Resolutions: A Work in Progress
While my car’s resolutions are ambitious, they’re also oddly inspiring. Sure, I may not get every fast-food wrapper out of the backseat by February, but hey—baby steps. The real takeaway? Maybe this year, I’ll treat my car less like a machine and more like the loyal companion it is.
FAQs
What inspired your car’s New Year’s resolutions?
After years of neglect (and a very passive-aggressive “check engine” light), I think my car had enough. It’s tired of my bad habits and is pushing for dramatic, humorous change.
How can I keep my car happy into the next year?
Stay on top of maintenance, clean it regularly, and maybe surprise it with a few upgrades. Oh, and try to avoid turning the trunk into a landfill.
Is it weird to think of cars having feelings?
Not at all! Giving personality to inanimate objects is a natural way for people to bond with their belongings. Plus, it’s just plain fun!
Will you stick to these resolutions?
Probably not 100%, but I’ll try. I owe it to my car to meet it halfway—and maybe clean out the cupholders.
What’s the best way to improve your car’s mileage?
Reduce aggressive driving, avoid idling too much, and inflate your tires to the recommended pressure. Oh, and remember those oil changes!
What’s the most overlooked maintenance task?
Many overlook tire rotations and alignment checks, which are essential for a smooth ride and for extending tire life.
Conclusion: My Car’s New Year Resolutions
Cars may not be able to talk (yet), but if they could, they’d probably have a few choice words for their owners. My car’s New Year’s resolutions may be humorous, but they highlight an important lesson: a little love goes a long way.
So, here’s to a year of treating our cars better—and maybe even keeping those dashboards warning-free!
